The first about a lonely homeless man who lost his wife and walked to the edge of a bridge to kill himself, a second poem about a quiet boy with a monster inside him in a group of friends, all aspiring gang members, who comes across this homeless man about to kill himself. The quiet boy tells the homeless man to jump, and he does. Here’s the last of the three poems, influenced by la dispute’s album called Wildlife, with a quote off one of their songs called A Poem.

wildlife

I lock my doors at night.

do you?

Do you feel the need to protect yourself
from wildlife?
Or something else?

Is it fear of the unknown?
what could turn this handle slowly?
Could it be the very same thing
that was made in an image holy?

What fear do you know? What scars can you show?
Do you even know what flows in YOUR veins,
or through your heart below?

What natural part of human nature can go unnoticed every day?
What darkness lies in every heart hidden behind clothed charade?

When every passerby that passes by only sees a shell
does it reflect on the person viewing? or is it simply fear of a hell?

A hell they didn’t know, a man’s dark and lonely place.
Devoid of love or a life worth living, finding only solace in hate.

And when he’s finally noticed he’s at the edge, teetering on life or death

when he only needs a single push, the devil told him yes.

“And the worst of the wildlife wears clothes and can pray
and the worry, the wonder,
For three meals a day.
Only death unimpeded, not slowing its pace,
Brings that petty, old worry and wonder away.”

i am stuck
i am stuck with this pain in my gut
morose am i, with this pain i am stuck
i’m sick to my stomach and stitches pinch shut
my only foothold, this pain from my gut
and it hurts and these nerves all expire and serve out a dish of warm bliss, though withholding its words and i can’t help but think that this sting will not end no this blood that i shed won’t expire and mend
i am scared
i am scared
i am scarred i am scared
i don’t know what will happen
i am tired and scared

I want him to say something sad, along the lines of “So there was Jon, unlocking his apartment door alone. Again.”
Something like that.

My apartment door swings wide amidst the flood of flesh and blood through the tide of mangled feelings; my footsteps bear no partners love.
Walking hand in hand my fingers grip and compliment each other; try to find some peace of mind with my only choice: self comfort.
It’s complacency i lack, or just the thought of it. at best, you’d think i’d have them in my arms or even better yet under covers black.

Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
I’ll live by these words. I know I’m strong.

I wrote most of this out on a ride from my buddies house to McDonald’s and back. I was alone, and this is my song about being alone, wishing anyone would want to be with me. Some story I made up too, with a made up girl, because I’m cool and am allowed to write whatever the fuck I want.

c b c g fingerpicking alternate with g chord finger picking pattern

The fixtures on the wall hang ever so right
they frame the essence of a girl with a smile so bright
she’d blind a whole heard of cat-calling cattle brained men
with just the flick of her wrist and
a little slight of hand

She brought me up to the roof
under stars in the dark
And we started to talk and I played my part
we started shedding our clothes
we started shedding our lies
and what I remember most
is my hand on her thigh

I forgot what it felt like
to be alone
But love, when you’re with me
It feels like home

and I’m not scared
to be alone
But it’s too late
for you to drive home

and I snap back to my room and roll over in bed
I start to talk to myself just to prove I’m not dead
and take some comfort in knowing that fantasy was still clear
and the touch of her skin still felt so near

(another stanza)

what I want to hear,
just tell me you’ll stay.
Just say that you need me
and not regret it a day

(another chorus stanza)

so by the light of my phone…

so that’s all I have so far, but it has a nice melody. I might replace a racey line or two in there if I decide tomorrow.

Let me tell you
it’s a curse
to keep
all of these thoughts inside my head
because
they seep
into my bones where I cannot
contain
their venom
and it eats away at all my flesh and blood
until
I sing
and spray out all these wicked words
and crush your love into a fine dust
I’ll slap your hand and watch it fly
I’ll slap your hand and watch you cry

god, this world is full of idealists
and to tell you the truth, i’m quite a realist
i’ll tell you just what I think of your mediocrity
and maybe you’ll start to think a little more like me
because when you say your worlds nothing more than a corporate battleground
then it’s times like these, I feel obliged, to flip your world upside down

since when have people lost humanity’s prized will to create?
instead of the new motto: remake and reciprocate.
what a bunch of garbage, mental pollution and hate
the words we use like cut, kill myself, gay or that’s straight
I see it every day, online and in person
the same people who claim to be the better person.
I support this, or I support that
all I have to say is what a load of crap
horse shit, bologna, whatever you want to call it
i’m here to let you know that your foundation is falling
and weak foundations make cracks in our nation of budding idealists
the same one’s who feel this great need for some change
like some great cleansing rain to wash your minds clear of influence and pain-
to erase the idea of barby- is insane.

so now I come to the point of all this.
before you can leave, I want you to notice
there are so many god damn problems around
that will mess with your minds and make them unsound
words, ideals, appearance and beauty
liars and drama, advertisements and movies


just don’t give a fuck about any of that

why should you anyway? All it does is get you down.


so just let them be.

worry about you.
 
have a good time,

and if anyone asks, say “i’m just doin’ me.”

stifle these trifling teens
when rifling through their magazines,
their vibrant scenes.
a knife gleaming through the seamless streams
of holy lights.
though I know i’m dreaming
I’ll still count the stars tonight.
on endless waves of shrieking plights
through the pain and agonizing fight.
I’ll still see the stars at night.